The Most Ridiculous Three Hours

This past Friday night/Saturday morning, I experienced what can probably be considered the most ridiculous three hours of my life. I'm going to share this story with all of you because a) it's a funny story and b) I really want to remember it when I am old and grey, and what better way to do that than immortalize it on the internet? I will start from the verrrrry beginning.

Things you need to know to fully experience this story:
1. I had work the day after Thanksgiving and was EXHAUSTED by the time dinner was over on Friday.
2. Bethel has a limo service. Bethel also has only 6 miles of paved road. Make your own conclusions about how these two facts fit together.
3. In the winter, the Kuskokwim River freezes over and becomes a state highway.

At 9p on Friday, November 28 I was wearing pajamas, my down parka, gloves, and hat. I had car keys in hand and was ready to go up to the house we were housesitting at to go to bed. I had every intention of being asleep by approximately 11p. My roommate Fran was also tired and decided to join me. Our friend Bethy did not agree with this plan. As we walked out of the house, we heard a lot of this, "You're lame! Come to the party at Ryan and Jitka's! It's a Friday night!", etc., etc. Once we got to the house, we even received a phone call from our friends Lisa and Andrew, echoing the same sentiments (except they did so in song). Fran and I convinced ourselves that we are not lame, and I acheived my goal of passing out in front of the TV at 10:30p.

Fast forward to 4a. I am still asleep on the couch. Fran has moved into the bedroom. All of a sudden, I am roused by the sound of shuffling and voices in the back hallway. Our friends, Bethy, Anthony, and Ryan had bust through the side door and were yelling, "Hey, wake up, come on out, we have the limo!" After a lot of confusion and eye-rubbing, Fran and I looked out the window to confirm that, yes, our friends had gotten drunk at Ryan and Jitka's house and actually chartered Bethel's stretch hummer limo for a very early morning ride around Bethel. And what did they decide to do once they were inside the limo? Come get Fran and I, of course.

After about 5 minutes in the house, Anthony and Bethy both sat down on the couches and fell asleep. Fran and I decided to seize this opportunity to take their seats in the limo. We grabbed our coats and jumped in. The limo was ridiculous. It had colored flourescent lights, a strobe light, and KARAOKE! At 4:45a on Saturday, I found myself singing "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" in the back of a hummer limo in Bethel, AK, with Ryan, Jitka, Fran, and Ryan's brother Mike who was visiting for Thanksgiving. Absurd.

The limo brought us back to Ryan and Jitka's. Fran and I asked James, the gracious driver, to bring us over to our house, but time was up. We decided to stay at their house, rather than walk back to ours at 5 in the morning. Jitka went right to bed because she had 9a EMT class. Ryan, Mike, Fran, and I stayed awake, just chatting. About every 3 minutes during our conversation, Ryan would suggest that we take his car, drive on the river highway, and go to Kwethluk, a village upriver from Bethel. Fran and I continued to shut down this suggestion because we were wary about driving on the river. That, and Ryan was drunk, so we weren't putting too much stock in his suggestions.

I'm not really sure what changed our minds, but after about a half hour, Fran and I gave in. Fran had the balls to volunteer to drive on the Kuskokwim, so the four of us piled into Ryan's car and off we went. We followed the river highway (aka tire tracks) west to Oscarville, the closest village to Bethel. We drove off the river and were almost immediately in the center of the village. We got out of the car, walked around a little, and got back in. (Anti-climatic, I know. Sorry!) We hadn't had our fill for the morning, so we pressed on.

Ten minutes later we were in Napaskiak, the next village off the Kuskokwim. This village was far more interesting. We drove on the boardwalk (intended for snow-go's), took pictures in front of the post office (to prove we made it there), and played on the playground (because it was fun). After that, we got back on the river and headed toward home. What followed was probably the coolest part of the whole morning.

About halfway back to Bethel, we decided to stop the car, hop out, and look at the stars. (Fran, always the safe driver, was sure to put her blinker on and pull safely out of the tire tracks.) It was absolutely amazing. I've literally never seen a sky so big and so full of stars. It really felt like we were surrounded by stars on all sides. Fran, Mike, and I laid in the snow and just breathed in the cold, the dark, and the beauty. Awesome is the only word to describe it.

We made it safely back to Ryan and Jitka's house by about 7a, thus completing my most ridiculous three hours ever. I rode in Bethel's one and only limo, tripled my village count, and experienced breathtaking beauty. Not too shabby for a boring night in.